I Tell You Everything

I tell you everything because I know you don’t judge me.

You aren’t a judger.

I just gotta know. What kind of person are you when you’re sick?
A. Stiff upper lip. Continues with life with a discrete tissue up sleeve.
B. Takes a day off work but returns medicated, slower but still game.
C. Sleeps a full day. Cancels a meeting so can pick up cold medicine. A little sad.
D. Makes illness an existential crisis. Spends a week on couch obsessively wondering what went wrong with immune system. Googles WebMD finally ending in the rabbit hole of the dark arts where cupping seems reasonable while pricing Seasonal Affective Disorder Lights. Puts a Tibetan Hand Hammered Singing Bowl in Amazon cart to support new promise to meditate for stress management. Realizes that if got seriously ill with a real disease friends would never say, “She’s not a complainer,” but would instead whisper amongst themselves, “My God she comes unglued if her nose runs, is entirely insufferable and should be put down if gets Strep. Orders bracelet engraved with the directive Should be put down when gets Strep.I wrote a book about it
I’m just going to confess this right now.

I’m “D”. I’m D and so are all the men who read my blog (sorry guys your wives & girlfriends have already told me)

You’d think I was made of tougher stuff wouldn’t you? I’m so sassy in other areas of life.

Here’s what I think happens. A motivational speaker lives in my head. A female Tony Robbins who is constantly shouting, LIFE IS SHORT! Mostly I don’t even hear her because when I’m well I can ignore her. I’m doing things that interest me, I’m working, writing, sure I’m wayyyy too busy but it’s all good. But from first nasal drip to final dry cough I can’t shut her up.

So, I try to problem solve and since I can’t problem solve a cold per se, I go to work on my life. It’s like Oprah gets into my head and says, “Is this your best self? IS IT?” Soon I start thinking about those books that want me to give away all my crap because there is life changing magic. I think, “I WANT MAGIC!” and before you know it I go from giving away a chair to googling realtors so I can sell my house.

[Tweet ““I WANT MAGIC!” and before you know it I go from giving away a chair to googling realtors so I can sell my house”]

But, I’m so very tired and sick that all I can manage is to sit in front of my sock drawer and throw away the socks that don’t match. Oprah turns her back on me. The motivational speaker in my head is so disappointed. “Socks?” She says, “Really? That’s all you got?”

I tell you all my flaws because I know that for the most part you are the same.

The world is constantly telling us to Live Big, Dream On, Go For the Gold and I think we, being people who try to do the right thing, try to go big or go home. There are so many ways to live our lives, how do you choose?

A few years ago, I told an elderly aunt that a good friend of mine was bisexual. She said this, “Good Lord that’s altogether too many choices.”

We live in a world with so many choices that sometimes it’s hard to pick and choose in a reasonable way. That when we are healthy we choose everything and only when we’re sick do we see that we have too much on our plates. Maybe that is why we get sick, to slow us down a bit so we can evaluate and see if our choices are the ones we actually want to make.

I just saw an ad for Weight Watchers where Oprah says, “I EAT CHIPS” and I thought. Good Lord, why am I taking advice from a woman who is that excited about chips?

I’ve decided to pay more attention to the voice in my head that is truly my voice and my voice said this, “It’s okay if you miss your February blog and write two blogs in March. Your friends don’t care because they Google all kinds of stuff when they’re sick too. That’s why they are your friends.

And, this my friends is why my blog is late. Dream big babies, I’m going to go take a nap.

[Tweet “I tell you all my flaws because I know that for the most part you are the same.”]


  1. Eileen Goudge on March 7, 2017 at 10:59 pm

    I’m a stiff upper lip sort of gal, my downfall when I’m really ill. Years ago, I almost died from not getting to the doctor soon enough. Lesson learned, but I’ll say I’m fine when asked even if I’m not. As for your sock drawer, when life hands you socks, make sock puppets

    • Ann Garvin on March 8, 2017 at 7:31 pm

      Girl, you must be. I see you writing through adversity all the time.

      • Joan Becht Willette on May 29, 2017 at 4:46 pm

        You are a breath of fresh air! You showed up in my mailbox and I am so delighted! You are the MagicIn your life! And in the barely 20 minutes that I have looked at your YouTube videos & FB pages – you impart such wisdom with a sidebar of reality/humor – that is alchemical! It is so wonderful to bumpInto you in the cyberworld!!!

  2. Cathy on March 8, 2017 at 1:09 am

    You make me laugh and giggle and thank god you aren’t my family. I have enough of those stop the world I have a cold!!! Thankfully I’m the one who will be the last man standing when flu hits the house!!

    • Ann Garvin on March 8, 2017 at 7:31 pm

      I KNOW. I’m embarrassed. I’m such a nit wit when I’m sick.

  3. Betty on March 8, 2017 at 1:45 am

    I am A.) A stiff upper lip kind of person. I have numerous health issues, but life goes on and I deal with it.

    • Ann Garvin on March 8, 2017 at 7:30 pm

      Could you come to my house and just take care of me??

  4. Kate B on March 8, 2017 at 2:39 am

    I am a C when actually sick, but when teensiest bit better I turn into D and am like I CAN DO ALL THE THINGS AGAIN, which in turn makes me sicker and guilty and sad again… so there’s a little cycling between C and D and definitely some inappropriate Amazon purchases along the way.

    • Ann Garvin on March 8, 2017 at 7:30 pm

      OH GOD we are one person

  5. Susan Gromis on March 8, 2017 at 7:21 pm

    Ann, I am in hysterics here at work ! Your blog makes my day!! Thank you!

    • Ann Garvin on March 8, 2017 at 7:30 pm

      I’m so glad Susan that just makes MY day!

  6. Susan R on March 9, 2017 at 12:29 am

    I am a martyr when I’m sick. I power on and continue life but get upset if my family doesn’t acknowledge that I am working even though I am sick. Of course, being family, they never do. Thanks for the laughs – maybe I need to change to a type D sick person.

    • Ann Garvin on March 10, 2017 at 5:27 pm

      Can you move to my house please.

  7. Mary Latela on March 12, 2017 at 1:03 am

    I am an A, but it’s a secret. I awaken on silken sheets, forehead damp, needing some tea … and my lady-in-waiting (all she does is about ME) brings me mint tea and a hot scone, a linen napkin – which is magical since I always use paper, hands me any book I ask for except the WIP (later), and I dose off. No one calls anymore, I think LIW alerts everyone to stay away. My friend Ella’s daughter delivers homemade chicken soup. I fall asleep. I dream. The phone rings, I awaken suddenly, and I’m not sure this was a dream or reality except for the crumbs from the scones…

    • Ann Garvin on March 12, 2017 at 1:08 pm

      HAHAHAHA . omg. YES, such a dream.

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