I can’t decide. You decide.
I started three letters to you this week and couldn’t decide which one to finish.
So I didn’t.
Instead, I put all three beginnings here and thought you could choose which one I finish first—as if you don’t have enough to do–dammit, Ann.
Here’s what you’re voting on:
Letter #1: Tim McGraw vs. My Pelvic Floor
Letter #2: If You Knew You Were Going to Die.. (Nope. Wrong Question).
Letter #3: Who Empties the Dishwasher (and Other Relationship Math)
Read them. Rank them. Comment 1, 2, or 3 below.
(Comments on my website count. Email replies don’t. I love you, but the system needs order.)
I’ll tally the votes and finish them in the order you choose.
LETTER #1: Tim McGraw vs. My Pelvic Floor
Vote: Comment “1” if you want me to finish this one first.
What is harder in life than to live like you’re dying but, in case you don’t die, like, right away, you have enough pelvic floor strength and bone density to get through the rest of your life without breaking a leg and peeing your pants?
I had this very deep, very necessary thought while driving to pick up my daughter from the airport.
I think it’s obvious I heard to Tim McGraw song Live Like You Were Dying and had a little argument with Tim. The song is the story of an old sick guy hoping that the young guy gets a chance to live (like you were dying). Because then he, too, can go sky diving, Rocky Mountain climbing, and hang on for 2.7 seconds on a bull named Fu Manchu.
But, Tim, I said in my head, my taxes are due, I don’t do enough Kegels, and I’m going to get fined if I don’t shovel today. Tim said, “I mean, Ann. Can I call you Ann? I’m just saying don’t wait on your dreams.” And I said, “Obviously, yeah. But also, my taxes….”
And then I realized that this bucket list thing, this no-day-wasted thing, is based on a very flawed assumption, and that stopped Tim dead (ahem) in his tracks. “Tim,” I said….
LETTER #2: If You Knew You Were Going to Die…..(Nope. No. Uh-uh).
Vote: Comment “2” if this is your pick.
If you know you’re going to die, what would you do with the time you have left? Here’s why I don’t think that is the right question to ask. The assumption is that we are all gallivanting around, flagrantly wasting sacred moments of our lives. That, if we got ourselves together and thought for a second, we could level the F up.
I feel like this question comes from a snotty, superior person who listens to too many podcasts. If that person were in front of me right now, I’d ask them if I should put my leftover peas in a Tupperware container for the future, or not?
Like, if I know I’m dying, yeah, maybe I would not save my peas. But what if I’m only theoretically dying? I ask because I have a lot of gunk in the cup I keep my toothbrush in—should I clean that or let it grow, plant it in the spring, and revel in nature? Like hypothetically or for real?
You see, I for one need a different question, a different lesson, and if you are a woman of this world, I bet you need it too. This is how I stop the insanity of a world that wants me, every day, to throw my peas to the wind, be my best self, and seize the day….
LETTER #3: Who Empties the Dishwasher (and Other Relationship Math)
Vote: Comment “3” if you want this one finished.
I’ve long said that every relationship is about what to keep and what to give. Whether it’s a friend, romantic relationship, or the person that does your hair, every time we engage we have to decide what’s fair, what do I want, what do they want, how much can I handle, what is appropriate, what is okay. Who empties the dishwasher? But, like, for real, who empties the dishwasher? Because my hair lady never empties the dishwasher, and I’m okay with that.
Relationships are complicated, and as a recovering people pleaser who’s trying hard not to be codependent, I struggled with how much money to gift my mail carrier this holiday season because my dog barks at him a lot, and I appreciate how he never flips Peanut off. So, I want to show my appreciation without going crazy.
So I’ve had to learn boundaries in all things. And, man, it took some work. I didn’t grow up in the times when women said, “I am taking a day off!” I grew up in the times when someone was sick, I signed up to bring a casserole to their house on three more days than I wanted to because no one else could do it on September 15, 16, or 22nd.
But then I read this perfect thing that helped me figure a few things out…..
Tell me in the comments: 1, 2, or 3.
You can explain yourself or not.
I will tally the votes and finish them in the order you choose.
I trust you. (Mostly.)
XX ANN
Vote via comments!
#1
#3 – more than just the dishwasher
#1. People who pick anything other than Tim McGraw and your pelvic floor are insane.
“2.”
#2 #2 #2 #2 #2 #2 #2 #2
#2 made me laugh out loud – something I have come to enjoy when reading your take on life. It is very similar to my own thoughts.
#2 is the one I would like you to finish.
For the record….#3 would outrank #1, and I would read them all!
I am #2 too!! Yes!
#3 as I am a recovering people pleaser as well.
3 first then 1 and then 2….please and thank you!
3. 1. 2 the order for me
Pretty much a tie between one and three. One is more provocative, but three is the real lesson in life–setting boundaries.
#3
#3
I had just read an article about how we need to laugh more when I clicked on your email. The title alone – Tim McGraw vs My Pelvic Floor – made me laugh out loud – before 7am! I know I’ll love them all, but thanks for helping me start the day with a laugh!
I’m greedy! I want them ALLLLLLL!
#3
#3!
#3
#1
Wholeheartedly I am hoping for #3.
I want to say #2 but I am out numbered already, you just make me laugh, I would anyone of those finished 🙂
#1
#3!
#1. I’m not a country fan, and I barely know who Tim McGraw is, (I do know that song), but I am curious to hear what he has to say about your pelvic floor!
2
3
#1 – As a 73-year-old with bronchitis, I can confirm that every cough is a betrayal, and my pelvic floor has left the chat. I need this letter.
#1
#3 please
3, 2, 1
#2
#3 Love hearing about setting boundaries and not overachieving/giving because that’s what we think we’re supposed to do. I’m figuring it out, too. And trying not to feel guilty about it.
1 please
3
I’ll take #3 because I want to see where this goes
2 first. My peas need to know.
3 – So many possibilities.
1 – Although I really don’t know his music. I lean a lot more to Willie Nelson
2 – Please no
#3!
3
#3 Please!
3
3
2
3
1
2
3
3
#1 – would love to hear the rest of the dialogue!
#2 would be next – throw away the dog-gone peas before they get the white fuzzies!
Then #3 – my husband unloads the dishwasher, so I don’t need to ask.
3 Thank you for the laughs xo
3…I’m such a people pleaser and I get a tad bit tired, sometimes 💕 However, I can organize a friends adventure in a minute! Maybe that’s not so bad?
Much love and admiration ~ Me
1. That your brain lumps together McGraw, taxes and kegels….got know where this goes.
2. “A different lesson??” hmm, everyone’s so different, can’t wait to hear.
3. …just cause it seems more serious and I don’t need more serious in these crazy times.
3 because I feel like the care taker here with a vision of running away
#3 first
#3. We all wonder how much to gift the mail person. Some of us are highly occupied in denying that we will ever die.
#3 first, then I really want to hear the rest of your conversation with Tim!
On a side note, I love Erma Bombeck! I used to watch her on local Dayton, Ohio tv, probably when Phil Donahue was still filming in Dayton. Read her columns in the paper and read her books eagerly. She had the sense of humor about life that I wished to have.
Okay, so I had to ask Alexa to play the Tim McGraw song and, while I listened, I googled him. First thought was: I have my new “Deep clean the House” playlist. Thank you. I did consider the other numbers but, Number 1 for me. All day long. Because I’m currently bopping my head to the tunes as I type, in a happy way, but also because, taxes. It always comes down to taxes and people just do not talk about this enough. And also this follow your dreams s**t. It simply is not that simple. Because it circles back around to taxes. At least, this has been my experience. Please continue number 1.
I think #3 is me! #1 is a close second. I’m already to overwhelmed with life for #2.
You make this so hard, Ann, because, knowing you, all three would be amazing! If I absolutely _had_ to pick, though, I think #3.
3,1,2
Yep, 3 all day.
#1
3. I love all things boundaries & relationships & I especially delight in conversations of who does what and why (with its many layers)
then 1 and then 2.
And will enjoy reading them all!
1, 3, 2.
But all are good. Great. There – the people pleaser in me asks, “Can you please finish all three? They are SO intriguing.” ❤️
#1
#2
First off—I will and do read everything you write!! Send me your shopping list at your earliest convenience and I’ll read it or set it to music!
As for your letters, I’m leaning toward #1 first, as my pelvic floor and I need your advice!
Then, onto #3. I’m a people pleaser in denial. I haven’t crossed over into the recovery phase.
For #2, this sounds like a fantastic topic for philosophers sitting around a campfire—Bummer Camp, anyone? If a pea is thrown into the wind, will anyone hear it?
☺️
#1
#1 please. I would like them all finished, but the format of #1 is the most engaging and funny and hence the best one. Thanks for asking.
3, 1, 2 . . . if we’re doing ranked choice voting. 😉
All of them, but #3 first.
#3, then #1, then #2
Looks like 3 is beating out the others but I vote 2. 🙂
#3 — Hurry up and tell me the magic words that will help me figure things out!
#1